Are you actually driving a PLANE to work everyday?

So, I was driving home today after work, where I was driving all over and delivering specific items I can currently not mention, but can say it involves a certain biological current event.  Anyway...while driving, I realized that my truck had very little in the way of technological advancements compared to other vehicles on the road. Other than the CD player, which is a replacement for the factory installed AM/FM radio that had no CD or cassette features, my truck doesn't have anything that resembles anything invented after the bronze age except for the airbag (which I hope I NEVER use, so that doesn't count). Shit, that radio barely played AM/FM at times! In my defense, it is a 2002, so it's not necessarily THAT old in comparison to other vehicles still in operation. At times, I envy those who have more automobile accessories than I do. But then, it got me thinking...

I don't need those things!

And by those things, I mean, these specific "enhancements" to our motor vehicles.

Ignition Buttons
This is a fairly new feature making its way through all models throughout North America and in other foreign nations. The benefit is for those who either don't have the ability, or is too lazy to find their key and turn it in the ignition. They don't have to fumble through their pocket or handbag for the key because the car recognizes, via electronic signal, that the key is within the vicinity of the car.


I want to point out one MAJOR flaw in this "incredible" convenience. So your key just happens to be within the area and you don't have to fish around to find it. I'm curious...what did you use to get IN the car in the first place? Did you have to fish through your pocket or handbag to pull out your keys, which has the remote to unlock the door? The keys are out! You've already made the effort of key retrieval to get into the car! Just put the freaking thing in the slot and turn! That is, of course, after you've sat down in your seat.

Heated Seats
There is nothing like a cold, winter morning when the frost has collected on your windshield and the engine needs the extra few moments to warm up. There is nothing like it, because it SUCKS! Problems start to collect once you've finally scraped a sizable viewing hole on each of your windows, when you've gotten yourself inside the car. I don't know about any of you, but it doesn't seem to matter how long I've let my engine warm up and the vents start to blow warm air through the cabin, that I'm still hunched forward during half my trip to work because it's too cold on the surface of my seat to lean back comfortably. Oh, if only my seat produced its own heat!

Wait, NO! No I don't! If I did, I wouldn't have a reason to write this!

Heated seats? Really?

The biggest problem I have with this is that for 8 OTHER months out of the year, it's never touched! If anything, most people are cursing the intense heat on the inside during the summer, that they wish it was chilled for them (never satisfied, eh?).

I'm not going to lie, I've tried these out. The first time I used it, it freaked me out! When the heat activated (I unknowingly turned it on), the seat warmed instantly to a very high degree. I literally thought I just crapped myself, and got out of the vehicle and to the nearest bathroom to check. Yeah, heat seats aren't for me.

Cruise Control
This feature has been around for a while. I use it on numerous occasions. I admit to be victimized by this little time bomb.

When you're driving (without cruise control), where is your foot? It's on the gas pedal, correct? The last time I checked, the gas pedal is probably the closest my foot can get to the brake pedal without touching it. Cruise control allows, and almost encourages the driver to relax his/her legs. More often than not, what do we do? We pull our legs closer to ourselves, sometimes even crossing them. We've actually caused an even SLOWER reaction time to incidents around us by allowing us to relax and move away from two of the three tools of basic car movement! Cruise control is like that friend you had back in school that convinced you that playing hooky every once in a while was alright and wouldn't keep you from educational progress (or as how they would put it: youz aint got nothin ta worry about skhool is gonna B der 2morro).

Precise Temperature Control
First, isn't it enough that people argue enough about what exact degree the thermostat at home is set to? No one ever yelled at someone else with the comment, "will you please quit changing the temperature control from mostly red and a little blue to moderately red and slightly more blue?!"  Enough said.

Sunroofs
Look. It's either a top, or no top. There IS no question! What are you getting with the sunroof that you're not getting with the windshield, except a greater opportunity to get throat punched?



Honestly, I could go on forever with feature after feature. Honestly, who thought of Vulcanized rubber?! GRAH! Anyway, I'll stop for now. Add on if you'd like.