Monday, November 9, 2009

What I want the internet to give me for Christmas...

Christmas, Channukah, Kwanza, Spaghetti Monster Present Day...WHATEVER you want to call it...I don't care. I'm calling it Xmas for short, and we will all just read it without the religious strings attached to it from now on. I live without religious strings everyday! ;-)


Xmas is right around the corner, and its obvious if you've been to any retail store (that is, if you've had any spending money lately). Well, instead of making a list of material possessions (which in my mind, seems awfully greedy considering you KNOW you're not going to get everything on there, leaving SOMEONE at the end feeling bad that they weren't able to sustain your want want wants), I'm going to create a list of things I want the internet to do for me.

1. Twitter - Please quit adding things!
It's one thing that You've added the @replies, hashtags, DM's, the brand new lists feature, and the soon to be new RT button.  The beauty of Twitter is the simplicity of it. It's free, accessible everywhere, and connects everyone with simple messages who normally would have never talked before. There were other social networking sites (I won't name names) that started the trend of mass addition of these so-called "features" that were going to benefit the user. The addition frenzy went so out of control, that users flocked to other sites, the public made mockeries of them, and the name became too familiar and out or date, which started the pattern all over again on the next popular site (ok, I will name names, IN ORDER!  Livejournal, Friendster, Hi5, Xanga, MySpace, Facebook, and now Twitter). My advice to you, Twitter, is to quit while you're ahead. Just stick to maintanence, security, and the prevention of the #failwhale, instead of adding more reasons for the whale to be beached.

2. Myspace - Just Die!
I just want to say,
Tom, you did a wonderful job with creating the site and allowing those to customize their own personal page and blog to those that are close to them or to anyone willing to read it. It blew up in popularity! It was the "in" trend! It was the base benefit for other products on sale. Theeeen you sold it. You became rich as hell for a product you originally offered fo nothing but advertisement banner deals. Sweet!


Look what you left us with! We now have this empty shell of a social networking site run by soulless creatans only interested in monetary gain. Myspace became the Starbucks of websites! Facebook is the new trend, and Myspace is slowly decaying into nothingness. The best thing for Myspace to do at this moment is to just cut your losses and delete the whole thing.

3. Are You Single? - YES! QUIT REMINDING ME, ADS!
Have I ever clicked any of you? NO! Quit bothering me!

4. The Best New Game Online! This Sexy Lady Invites You Warmly Into Out Guild - Read #3
nuff said

5. Email - Make it relevant again.
I miss going to my email and seeing something of meaning in my inbox and not loads of advertisements, ads, or just bills. I remember a time where junk mail was a surprise! Remember that? It was so convincing back then, because it was so rare! I actually believed at one point that I was going to get a free Sega Dreamcast if I just clicked through the plethora of links to my final destination. Yes, I learned a little bit about my online naivete with my first virus, but it was so uncommon at that point. But the thing is, I had mail! I had real mail from real people telling me real things! Bring that feeling back!

6. Give me something new to do. - Period...I'm bored

That is all.  Care to add anymore, people?


  1. I like all the Twitter gadgety stuff.

    I know myspace is so incredibly uncool, but my limited experience with facebook doesn't make me really enthusiastic to get very involved over there. We'll see.

    Fun reading your blog. Keep on entertaining me. Let that be a top priority for you.

  2. Damn it, Steven, this is why the Internet eats too much and doesn't wear makeup anymore. Why can't you just appreciate it for what it is: imperfect, but ZOMG AWESOME! Then maybe it'll do something with its hair and make dinner every now and then.

    That said, I totally agree with #1.